Star Wars is Dead

beep...beep...beep...

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Call it, April 3rd 2012. Star Wars Died.

The same day that Star Wars Kinect was released into the fold.

No, it's not a coincidence that the two events happened on the same day, the Jedi do not believe in coincidence either.

The moment I saw a digital Han Solo dancing around in the frozen carbonate chamber from Episode V, I knew it was all over. See the travesty for yourself here

And what a messy journey it has been.

There's no denying the quality of the original trilogy, it's sacred ground, ironically tarnished by its own creator George Lucas. He continues to destroy his own work by throwing more and more CG on the screen, cluttering the once beautiful landscapes and epic scenes. It's almost like he's trying to see how much crap he can fill in a scene and still have some form of cohesion.

I recently re-watched the entire series while I was sick, and I'm not even sure if I like it any more. When it was all over, I pondered to myself - 'that's Star Wars?' I've seen the movies countless times, and I've considered myself a fan for years. But now, I'm not to sure if its even worth the time.

The franchise has been milked, squeezed, an exploited to the point where the original soul or magic of the far away galaxy simply is no more. Star Wars has become a disgusting corporate marketing engine which only has one purpose, making more money with what little life it has left.

The death of Star Wars has been a long time coming, but it is hard to find the exact start to its cancer. Maybe it was in the very inception of the series all those years ago, it could also be when Lucas and co. released the prequel trilogy, or perhaps the Clone Wars TV show.

Whatever the beginning of the end was, Star Wars Kinect finished the job. Han Solo, a beloved anti-hero and the essence of the original Star Wars bravado... swinging his arms to a remixed Jason Derulo song called I'm Han Solo.

Here's an example of the lyrics:

I'm feeling like a star,
you can't stop my shine
I'm loving Cloud City,
my head's in the sky

I'm solo, I'm Han Solo,
I'm Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo. Solo.

Yeah, I'm feeling good tonight,
Finally feeling free and it feels so right, oh.
Time to do the things I like,
Gonna see a Princess, everything's all right, oh.

No Jabba to answer to,
Ain't a fixture in the palace zoo, no.
And since that carbonite's off me
I'm livin' life now that I'm free, yeah.

Told me to get myself together
Now I got myself together, yeah.
Now I made it through the weather,

Better days are gonna get better.

I'm so happy the carbonite is gone.
I'm movin' on.
I'm so happy that it's over now.
The pain is gone.

I'm solo, I'm Han Solo,
I'm Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo. Solo.

What the sweet fuck is that?

Star Wars has had a relatively proud history of video games within its franchise, games like Rogue Squadron (for N64 and Gamecube) and even Epsiode I: Pod Racer (for N64) improved the series in incredible ways. Some of my favourite games have been from the Star Wars universe.

Star Wars Kinect slaps that tradition in the face by mushing together a few mini games, none of them worth playing, and cashing in on all of those poor poor fans out there who will gobble it up. Packaging it with the snazzy Star Wars Xbox 360 bundle as well to help drive game sales.



The whole thing just stinks of capitalist interference with a beloved franchise, now officially dead.

Dead dead dead. Done. Gone.

Luckily for the science fiction fans out there, and there are quite a few of you I'm sure, there's still so much to be happy about: Mass Effect, Prometheus, Star Trek, BattleStar Galactica, and so much more.

We don't need Star Wars anymore. We can move on from it's force choke hold on us and move forward with better science fiction that actually deserves our attention and money.  

Perhaps in 20, 50 years a brilliant director will revive Star Wars and return it to its past glory. But until then, let it rest in peace.